Ford Five Hundred GT-R

Twenty years ago, when I was reviewing cars regularly for Canadian outlets and driving at least one new vehicle per week, the Ford Five Hundred was an instant "worst car of the year" contender after driving it four feet.

A similar honour goes to the early Kia Rondo, or Pontiac G6 Convertible, or most Hyundais—because back then, they all smelled like the inside of a Gashapon capsule.

I'm being kind by saying the Five Hundred uniquely placed a minivan's driving position inside a prosthetic beige-padded dumpster. The best use for a Five Hundred or its arguably worse wagon crossover cousin, the Freestyle / Taurus X, is to be drained of fluids and rolled into the ocean to become a coral reef.

Or so I thought. I've since learned there have been two exceptions.

First, when Ford was in the early stages of EcoBoost V6 testing, it used a Five Hundred as a test mule and staged a demonstration, Motor Trend-style multiple cars-wide drag race versus a few other sedans. I can't remember any of them except for the second place car: a BMW 335i.

On go, Ford's mule sat on its rear axle like a deadlifter and launched, maintaining an extreme squat like a boat not quite getting up onto plane through the race's distance. (I used to have the file saved somewhere, and if I ever dig it up I'll be sure to launch the WCOTD emergency flares to alert everyone of my discovery.)

The all-black, still big-boned-mule looked hilarious yet devastatingly fast. Fine, I'll allow it.

Washtenaw Community College, with some help from Ford, built the other exception to my coral reef project: the Five Hundred GT-R.

For the 2005 SEMA show in Las Vegas they wouldn't ultimately make in time, Ford gave the Ann Arbor, Michigan college a Five Hundred sedan and a Ford GT test mule destined for the crusher.

Look closely and you'll see where students and volunteers grafted the GT supercar's vented hood onto the positively porky sedan, or a Ford F-150 flareside's arches to make the car's rear flares.